Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Top 10 Supporting Bros

Greetings, Internet goers.  Now displayed on your screen is a consensus top 10 "Top 10" list of the best supporting bros the author can conjure. Entries were determined to be the best supporting bros based on their chronic lack of limelight and distinct essentialness to the organization or experience to which they are a party. Congratulate yourself on your find. Feel good? Good.  Feast thine eyes on rankings of glory.

10. Bernie Williams
Bernie comes in at the bottom of the list because, let's face it, it's hard to underrate a NEW YORK YANKEE.  Having said that, did you know that Mr. Williams led the Bombers in Wins Above Replacement (WAR) during the 4 championship seasons of the late 90's dynasty?  You didn't, because he didn't. The golden boy at shortstop did, but Bernie was right behind him. Playing behind (literally) the star middle infielder and under the shadow (figuratively) of Mantle and DiMaggio in center, Bernie never received the level of stardom befitting such an excellent player (of baseball and guitar).

9. Giancarlo Esposito
The author admits to a case of favoritism in this selection. But, seeing as how it's his blog and his list, there's not much you can do about it. Though, if the reader is a person of discerning taste (as your friends think you are) then surely there will be agreement in the selection. 
Esposito has served in various supporting roles for three decades now, on screens big and small, while receiving criminally little critical acclaim.  My sources sing his praises as a co-worker and the whole world has seen his grace in a lesser actor claiming his prize
Giancarlo Esposito: consummate professional, humble kisser, certified badass.

8. Gerald Ford
Okay, okay. This one is kind of out of place. But how can you not include a man who made it to POTUS without ever being elected by the people of the greatest nation on God's green Earth?  The level of expert supporting role playing is to be applauded. America Salutes you, Gerald Ford: The Matt Cassel of Presidents.

7.  Animated Eddie Murphy
A recent public opinion poll, conducted by yours truly, found that six of seven Americans surveyed ranked approval of Eddie Murphy's acting career higher than Congress, but lower than Ryan Braun and cold sores (small sample sizes produce some strange results).
Animated Eddie Murphy has worked tirelessly to atone for the sins of Live Action Eddie Murphy, and has been mostly successful.  Mushu and Donkey were great characters who definitely underpinned, or outshone (eh hem, Mulan...), the lead character.  For the on screen and real life support, Animated Eddie Murphy earns a solid seventh on this most esteemed of lists.

6.  The John C's (McGinley & Reilly)
These two fine gentlemen represent the most powerful Irish supporting actor duo the world has [likely] ever seen.  McGinley has played roles in several films of note.  You may have seen a few: Platoon, Wall Street, Highlander II, Office Space, 42...just to name a few.  Reilly has been in his share of notable films as well: What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Boogie Nights, The Thin Red Line, Gangs of New York, Anchorman, Talladega Nights...  These two have supported more hit makers than Dolly Parton's brassiere collection.  Did I mention that Reilly was also featured in an homage to the fifth ranked supporting bro...

5.  Nikola Tesla
Those among the readership who count themselves as dedicated to the pursuit of science know where this blurb is going.  For the scientifically uninitiated: Tesla invented electricity and Edison (aka The Man) was a hater and took credit for the incredible work Tesla accomplished as a part of Edison's firm.  Basically, Tesla's version of electricity is responsible for everything we use that doesn't have a battery, but our textbooks teach that Edison tried, and tried, and eventually through determination, free markets, eagles, and apple pie, invented the apple pie.

4.  Fozzie Bear
Aside from being the true creative genius behind the Muppets empire, the Foz has been relegated to supporting a frog who is notorious for having no idea what he's doing--
Fozzie Bear has battled years of desperation, low self esteem, and drug addiction to provide solid support to  not only the frog and the pig, but also to his second career as a hip hop artist and cereal mogul

3. Sean Bean

Need an actor to carry a character just to kill him off to carry your plot?  Sean Bean is your man.  The perpetually dead Mr. Bean has died in a film 26 times.  That's a guy that really knows how to take one for the team---the quintessential supporting bro...

2.  Bro, Luigi
No other video game has proliferated the digital marketplace like Mario Bros. But, what of the additional Bro who brings plurality to the aforementioned brothers?  He, born of the same uterus, raised in the same lifestyle, conqueror of the same villains, has been consigned to permanent sidekick status: Luigi has been Pippened.

1. Scottie Pippen
Noboby embodies the Supporting Bro like Scottie Pippen.  He was the second best player on a team that won six NBA championships.  He very well may have been the second best player in the world during that time, but he played with some kid from North Carolina who did everything pretty well and advertised a clever shoe.  Scottie is on this list for one reason, and many reasons, that has everything to do with Michael Jordan---He will forever be judged by the star he supported.  That phenomenon triggered it's own nomenclature....a verb befitting every star who isn't a star solely because of the timing and circumstance regarding the stardom of one of their peers.  Indeed, nobody likes to be Pippened, but life could be worse.  You could be Sean Bean.

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